What makes a family a “good family?” What is it that characterizes those families where members live and grow in love and harmony? Where conflict is kept to a minimum and caring for each other is practiced enthusiastically.

One researcher has made a study of 500 people who work with families. In this day and age when media focuses mostly on dysfunctional families and the horror stories they have to tell, it is refreshing to have someone look into loving families and determine what makes them such. We hear so much about family problems (in this column, for instance) and so little about happy families.

I guess it is in our nature to look at what’s wrong rather than study what’s right with people. Foolishness and conflict are always more dramatic than harmony.
Dolores Curran is the researcher who conducted the study. Her findings are the following:

– The healthy family “communicates and listens.” It isn’t enough to communicate. In fact, all too often there is too much one-way communication and very little listening.

– The healthy family “affirms and supports one another.” Every member is quick to recognize the successes of each other. Jealousy has no place in this family. The members are quick to help each other not only financially but emotionally as well.

– It “teaches respect for others.” The respect the members have for each other extends to society at large.

– The healthy family “develops a sense of trust.” How can peace, harmony and love exist without a deep sense of trust?

– The healthy family has lots of fun together. It “has a sense of play and humor.” There is lots of laughter in the house, an absence of fear that allows its members to joke and be free and easy.

– The healthy family “exhibits a sense of shared responsibility.” In helping each other, the family members do not hesitate to take upon themselves the responsibilities of their loved ones. It is as if, in the healthy family, you never feel alone.

– The strong family “teaches a sense of right and wrong.” Lines defining limits are drawn clearly in the sand. Principles are valued and encouraged.

– There is a “strong sense of family in which rituals and traditions abound.” There are certain things that the family always does, and it has very special ways of doing it.

– The solid family “has a balance of interaction among members.” There is no favoritism, no exaggerated focus on certain members to the detriment of the others.

– And there is, of course, “a shared religious core.” There is a spiritual bond that keeps the family steady and caring for each other’s well being.

– In a solid family, the members respect the privacy of one another. There is no opening of another’s letter, listening to phone calls, etc. Rather, every member affirms the privacy rights of each other.

– The healthy family is not turned in on itself but as a family reaches out in service to the community. Its members feel a responsibility to contribute to society.

– The members also give of their leisure time to each other because they love each other and value family togetherness.

– Finally, when problems arise that the family cannot handle, it does not hesitate to admit to them and seek outside help. The healthy family understands that problems are all part of growing, of life, and the sooner they get solved, the better for all concerned.