Addicts don’t become serious cases overnight. It takes a while. After they get into drugs, their lives start to fall apart and they go from bad to worse until they drop out of mainstream society. What makes matters even more difficult, however, are family, relatives and friends who become what we call “enablers.”

     An enabler is someone who unknowingly or knowingly makes it easier for the addict to continue using his drugs. The enabler is usually someone who likes, even loves the addict, but cannot seem to stand in the way of his drug taking. In fact, some of the most devastating enablers are parents who love their kids but cannot put their foot down, set limits and give consequences when these limits are violated.

     Recently, we asked our residents in Nazareth House to share with us how they were enabled by their parents. The list of  “enabling behavior” is quite long. It can also serve as a checklist of warning signs of trouble ahead. If you can identify with some of the following, you’re an enabler and your child is running the risk of getting into trouble and maybe even drugs in the future.

Some of our resident’s comments.

1. I was not confronted by my parents for my low grades. They just let things go and watched, instead of taking action to force me to study.
2. I broke rules right and left yet rarely had to deal with consequences.
3. Even when my life was out of control, they waited for a miracle which never happened.
4. Even when they found my drug paraphernalia, they did not confront me.
5. They let me sleep until whatever time.
6. Never told me what time I needed to be home.
7. Did not question me about the friends I was going out with.
8. They were quick to give me money.
9. They did not get upset when I would come home all messed up.
10. They allowed me to smoke when I was 16. They said tobacco was better than drugs.
11. They allowed me to drink with friends on my 14th birthday.
12. I failed miserably in my first semester of college. They knew it was because of my messed-up life, yet they let me enroll again.
13. I drank heavily with my friends in our house and they allowed it.
14. I brought some addict-criminal-looking friends to my room. My parents didn’t mind. My room became a sinful place.
15. When I was 19, my parents found out that I was heavy into drugs, but it look quite a while before they finally brought me to rehab.
16. They did nothing when I began stealing from the house.
17. When I was caught shoplifting, they did nothing about it but ask me why I did it. They still allowed me to go with my friends who were also involved in the incident.
18. Gave me money when I insisted.
19. Allowed my girlfriend to sleep in my room.
20. Allowed me to live with my girlfriend.
21. I was never confronted enough when I did not go home for days at a time.
22. They tolerated my outrageous behavior even if I was only 17. I got to the point where I felt it was all fine with them.
23. I was never seriously confronted about how badly I was doing in school.
24. When I dropped out of school, I was not forced to find a job. They let me hang around which made matters worse.
25. They never gave me a curfew. I came home when I liked and was not questioned.
26. I was never sermonized when I misbehaved.