We parents are constantly sowing seeds in the hearts and minds of our children. For as long as we live, we continue to sow. From the cradle even until they become adults we do not cease to sow.

Some of those seeds are the result of anger, unfairness, favoritism, rejection, etc. Those negative things that we learn too late to regret. And we someday reap what we sow. Our children return our neglect with anger, rage even, and rejection of their own. Let’s face it. We parents are less than perfect. We make mistakes in bringing up our children and the biggest error is to make ourselves out to be all knowing and to pretend that the decisions we make are unmistakably correct. We keep telling our kids that we are not perfect, but we are slow to accept our mistakes, apologize for them and make amends.

Instead, we counterattack and hide under a carpet of excuses, rationalizations and outright denials. We use threats and intimidations. We step all over our children and when they try to make us see the unfairness of our ways we accuse them of disrespecting us when, all the while, it is us who are disrespecting them.

And yes, our children are not only deserving of our respect, they have a right to be treated fairly. Parents who act as dictators, whose words and decisions cannot be questioned are sowing the seeds of resentment and anger. And that is what they will one day reap. The rage that their children feel for them might never be expressed outright, but it will surely remain simmering beneath the surface and will eat away at their hearts. It will quietly poison their relationship with their parents.

As a counselor for more than forty years, I see this constantly. Teenagers and grown men and women who feel deep anger and resentment towards a parent, but who pretend that all’s well. The inner turmoil is ripping them apart and causing them extreme distress, yet they remain silent in their rage.

They show their anger and resentment in many covert ways, but all of them by withholding their sincere love and respect. They might go through all the motions of showing respect, but the heart does not reflect the gestures of love and respect.

We parents must never forget that for each seed we sow there will be a harvest. Hopefully it will be a golden harvest and not a bitter harvest.