One of the most important lessons we need to teach our children is that they must be responsible for their own behavior and bear the consequences when they do wrong. This is vital because you cannot protect a son from society once he leaves your home. You are surely convinced of the goodness of your child and you love him deeply.

     Society, on the other hand, has no special liking for him. He is just one of the five billion people on this earth. If he does not behave properly, the world will have little patience with him.

     The job of every parent is to prepare the children to function as effectively as possible in the world at large. It isn’t enough to simply love them. You have to plan for their entry into society. You must equip them to make their own way in the world.

     But are they not already a part of our society? Yes and no. Sure, they go off and explore society. But they quickly rush back or, most likely, are pulled back into the confines of the home where they are protected from society at large and where they live by the rules of the family.

     Sadly, these rules often run counter to what is expected of them in society. Parents tend to be overprotective. They often allow their children to do things and to behave in ways that society frowns upon. They spoil then and unwittingly set them up for big trouble later on when they venture out on their own.

     You can see the beginnings of this in school. Here is a selfish, self-centered child who is insensitive to his classmates. He was not born that way. His behavior was learned mostly in the home. He was never taught to care for others in his own house, to be kind and thoughtful. Instead, he pretty much did things his way and got away with it – until he got to school.

     Now he is paying the price. His classmates do not like him because, frankly, he’s not very likable. He keeps getting into trouble with his teachers because he insists on having things his way and in class it’s the teacher’s way that reigns supreme. There are rules and procedures to follow. You cannot have it your way. If you insist, there will be trouble.

     What is most tragic is that kids who have never learned discipline, respect for others and all those other values we adults have come to expect get very confused when society turns against them. They are bewildered because it seems to them that people are not playing by the rules they are used to – their rules to be exact.

     I see this confusion all the time, especially among teenagers. Society is more patient with little brats than it is with teenaged terrorists who are laws unto themselves. Perhaps it is because little children do not threaten us. Big children do. Also the potential disruptiveness of teenagers is so much greater than that of preschoolers. What we adults are willing to tolerate in grade one kids, we want to crush when we see it in teenagers and young adults.

     But these children who have never been taught the ways of society are genuinely confused when confronted with their unacceptable behavior. You can see it in their faces and hear it in the words they use. And when you speak to their parents, you know where the kids are coming from. The passing of the years does not guarantee maturity and responsible behavior. Everyday, we run into adults whose behavior is immature and unacceptable.

     I can never forget a sixth grade student who got into trouble for bullying his classmates. When the parents were called in, the principal was taken aback by the father of the boy who aggressively defended his son’s behavior. It turned out that the father was a bully in his own right and actually encouraged his son to use his fists to intimidate his classmates. The boy (and his parents) were asked to leave the school. Their behavior was unacceptable in society even if it was permitted at home. Is it surprising if the kid was confused?

     Effective parents know what their children are getting into when they step out of the house and into a society that can be downright hostile to those who refuse to conform to its rules. They prepare their kids well by molding them in such a way that when they do strike out on their own they will not clash with society, but will slip into it gracefully and with minimal conflict. If they succeed, they will spare their children from a lot of unnecessary pain.